I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
