Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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