I didn't shave. On purpose
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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