We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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