You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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