I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
