just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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