Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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