Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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