I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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