He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
