i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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