i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
