I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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