My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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