omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
