If i come over, it means nothing
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
