so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
