I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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