As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
