I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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