Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
