He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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