Im at strip club and am horny
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
