Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
