Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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