he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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