I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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