I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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