You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
