He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
