so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
