he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
