I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
