No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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