We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
