Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
