Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
