i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
