I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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