I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
