You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
