you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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