It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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