i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
