I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
