I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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