I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
PANTIES FOUND
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