last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
