Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
