I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
